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My Dear Heart

It did me no good to wish for twenty letters, I did not get one— I have rec’d only one letter and one little note from you since you left home, they both came in the same mail— It is Saturday night, and I am homesick for you, not hearing from you makes me the feel still more homesick-—

The watches have come they are all nice and just the thing, Annie’s is lovely, as prettie as can be—you have good taste Darling—I know she will be perfectly delighted with it—

I have heard nothing from Mrs Brooks, so do not know whether she is coming or not—

It is just after dinner, I guess I will not write more until bed time, perhaps I shall then write more cheerfully I am a little cross, beside wanting you so much and being disapointed about hearing from you— As you go further west it will take longer and longer for letters to reach me——

Bed time—

Have been drawing a plan of our house and feel better than at dinner time—This will not go until Monday morning so will finish tomorrow— Good night, sweet sleep—

Sunday Evening

I tell you I am glad that tomorrow is Monday, because I shall probably get letters—if I do not—well I do not know what I shall do, telegraph you I guess—

Mother and I went to church this morning, we found that we were the first people in the church, so went over to Mr Twichells and staid there until they were ready for church—

It is so long since I have been to church that I was mellowed by the very atmosphere I think, Mr Twichells prayer touched me and made me cry, he prayed particularly for those who had fallen away and were longing to come back to God— Youth I am ashamed to go back, because I have fallen away so many times and gone back feeling that if I ever should fall aw grow cold again, it would be useless trying, because I never could have more earnest and prayerfull and even at times heart broken determination to keep by the truth and the right, and strive for God’s spirit—it would seem if I did not remain steadfast after such times, I never could— Mr Twichell is such a good earnest man and gave us a good sermon, I think we shall enjoy our church there very much— If I was just a little stronger I would go into the Sunday school, I have a great mind too as it is, but I know Mother would not be willing to have me—and I have thought that I would be as careful as I know how during these coming six months— I hope not to have as delicate a child next time as little Langdon was—

How I do want you at home Darling, I am so thankful that I do want you—you are a dear little man— I am grateful that my heart is so filled with love for you— Mrs Warner was speaking this P. M. of lukewarmness toward God, she said she used to be greatly troubled about it, but lately she thinks that is of no consequence, our moods are different we do not always feel the alike toward our husbands— I told her if I felt toward God as I did toward my husband I should never be in the least troubled— I did not tell her how almost perfectly cold I am toward God—

I think I have about decided what we shall do about building, I have decided so you will not have to decide you see, de Dear Heart—

We will put if it is necessary the 29000. into house, grounds, and what new furniture we may need— If we wait to know whether we can afford it we shall wait eight years, because I do not believe we shall know whether we can afford to live in this way until the end of the Copartnership— Charlie says I can perfectly well have from three to five hundred dollars a month— You may lecture one month in New England during the winter, that will give you 2000.00 that will give you what money you want for Ma and other incidental matters— The three hundred dollars a month with what your regular work will bring you in will be plenty— If after a time we find that the estate is not worth a living to us, we will change entirely our mode of living— That probably will not be discovered for fo three or four or perhaps the eight years—we shall involve nobody and discomfort nobody, we will not be in debt for our house— The children will then be older and I shall not need so much help in the care of them, I shall then be stronger if I keep on increasing in strength as I have done— We will either board or live in a small cottage and keep one servant, will live near the horse cars so that I can get along without a horse and carrage— I can not and I will not think about your being away from me this way every year, it is not half living—if in order to sustain our present mode of living you are obliged to do that, then we will change our mode of living—

We need now the comfort of a convenient home, while our babies are young and needing care— I think if we wait two years it is very likely that we shall not know any better than we do now whether we can build or not—Charlie and all talk as if there was no question about it—

I have not commenced French yet, Clara wants to study German when she comes, and I know with Baby, house and all, both would be more than it would be best for me to undertake——

Good night darling— I do love our boy better and better every day if that is possible— Richest blessings on you my Youth

Ever and ever so much love to Ma, Pamela, Annie, Sammy— I had forgotten that this letter was to reach you there—

Did Pamela get my letter acknowledging the rec’t of her prettie bag?