CHAPTER 34
The Ⓐemendation mountains are very high and steep about Carson, Eagle and Washoe Valleys—very high and very steep, and so when the snow gets to melting off fast in the springⒶemendation and the warm surface-earth begins to moisten and soften, the disastrous land-slides commence. The reader cannotⒶemendation know what a land-slide is, unless he hasⒶemendation lived in that country and seen the whole side of a mountain taken off some fine morning and deposited down in the valley, leaving a vast, treeless, unsightly scar upon the mountain’s front to keep the circumstance fresh in hisⒶemendation memory all the years that heⒶemendation may go on living within seventy miles of that place.
Gen.Ⓐemendation Buncombe was shipped out to Nevada in the invoice of Territorial officers, to be U. S.Ⓐemendation Attorney. He considered himself a lawyer of parts, and he very much wanted an opportunity to manifest it—partly for the pure gratification of it and partly because his salary was Territorially meagreⒺexplanatory note (which is a strong expression.) Now the older citizens of a new territory look downⒶemendation upon the rest of the world with a calm, benevolent compassionⒶemendation, as long as it keeps out of the way—when it gets in the way they snub it. Sometimes this latter takes the shape of a practical joke.
One morning Dick HydeⒶemendation rode furiously up to Gen.Ⓐemendation Buncombe’s door in Carson City and rushed into his presence without stopping to tie his horse. He seemed much excited. He told the General that he wanted him to conductⒶemendation a suit for him and would pay him five hundred dollars if he achieved a victory. And then, with violent gestures and a world of profanity, he poured out his griefs. He said it was pretty well known that for some years he had been farming (or ranching as the more customary term is,) in Washoe District, and making a successful thing of it, and furthermore it was known that his ranch was situated just in the edge of the valleyⒺexplanatory note, and that [begin page 222] Tom MorganⒺexplanatory note owned a ranch immediately above it on the mountain side. And now the trouble was that one of those hated and dreaded land-slides had come and slid Morgan’s ranch, fences, cabins, cattle, barns and everythingⒶemendation down on top of his ranch and
“And when I reminded him,” said HydeⒶemendation, weeping, “that it was on top of my ranch and that he was trespassing, he had the infernal meanness to ask me why didn’t I stay on my ranch and hold possession when I see him a comingⒶemendation! Why didn’t I stay on it, the blathering lunatic—byⒶemendation George, when I heard that racket and looked up that hill it was just like the whole world was a ripping and a tearing down that mountain side—splinters, and cord-wood, thunder and lightning, hail and snow, odds and ends of hay stacks, and awful clouds of dust!—trees going end over end in the air, rocks as big as a house jumping ’bout a thousand feet high and busting into ten million pieces, cattle turned inside out and a comingⒶemendation head on with their tails hanging out between their teeth!—Ⓐemendation and in the midst of all that wrack and destruction sot that cussed Morgan on his gate-post, a wonderingⒶemendation why I didn’t stay [begin page 223] and hold possession! Laws bless me,Ⓐemendation I just took one glimpseⒶemendation, General, and litⒶemendation out’n the countyⒶemendation in three jumps exactly.
“But what grinds me is that that Morgan hangs on there and won’t move off’n that ranch—says it’s his’n and he’s going to keep it—likes it better’n he did when it was higher up the hill. Mad! Well, I’ve been so mad for two days I couldn’t find my way to town—been wandering around in the brush in a starving condition—gotⒶemendation anythingⒶemendation here to drink, General? But I’m here now, and I’m a goingⒶemendation to law. You hear me!”
Never in all the world, perhaps, were a man’s feelings so outraged as were the General’s. He said he had never heard of such high-handed conduct in all his life as this Morgan’s. And he said there was no use in going to law—Morgan had no shadow of right to remain where he was—nobody in the wide world would uphold him in it, and no lawyer would take his case and no judge listen to it. HydeⒶemendation said that right there was where he was mistaken—everybodyⒶemendation in town sustained Morgan; Hal Brayton, a very smart lawyerⒺexplanatory note, had taken his case; the courts being in vacation, it was to be tried before a refereeⒺexplanatory note, and ex-Governor RoopⒺexplanatory note had already been appointed to that office and would open his court in a large public hall near the hotel at twoⒶemendation that afternoon.
The GeneralⒶemendation was amazed. He said he had suspected before that the people of that Territory were fools, and now he knew it. But he said rest easy, rest easy and collect the witnessesⒶemendation, for the victory was just as certain as if the conflict were already over. HydeⒶemendation wiped away his tears and left.
At twoⒶemendation in the afternoon referee Roop’s courtⒶemendation opened, and RoopⒶemendation appeared throned among his sheriffs, theⒶemendation witnesses, and spectatorsⒶemendation, and wearing upon his face a solemnityⒶemendation so awe-inspiring that some of his fellow-conspirators had misgivings that maybe he had not comprehended, after all, that this was merely a joke. An unearthly stillness prevailed, for at the slightest noise the judge uttered sternly the command:
“Order in the courtⒶemendation!”
And the sheriffs promptly echoed it. Presently the General elbowed his way through the crowd of spectators, with his arms full of law-books, and on his ears fell an order from the judge which [begin page 224] was the first respectful recognition of his high official dignity that had ever saluted them, and it trickled pleasantly through his whole systemⒶemendation:
“Way for the United States Attorney!”
The witnesses were called—legislators, high government officers, ranchmenⒶemendation, miners, Indians, Chinamen, negroes. Three-fourths of them were called by the defendant Morgan, but no matter, their testimony invariably went in favor of the plaintiff HydeⒶemendation. Each new witness only added new testimony to the absurdity of a man’s claiming to own another man’s property because his farm had slid down on top of it. Then the Morgan lawyers made their speeches, and seemed to make singularly weak ones—they did really nothing to help the Morgan cause. And now the General, with exultation inⒶemendation his face, got up and made an impassionedⒶemendation effort; he pounded the table, he banged the law-booksⒶemendation, he shouted, and roared, and howled, he quoted from everythingⒶemendation and everybodyⒶemendation, poetry, sarcasm, statistics, history, pathos, bathos,Ⓐemendation blasphemy, and [begin page 225] wound up with a grand war-whoop for free speech, freedom of the press, free schools, the Glorious Bird of America and the principles of eternal justice! [Applause.]
When the General sat down, he did it with the convictionⒶemendation that if there was anythingⒶemendation in good strong testimony, a greatⒶemendation speech and believing and admiring countenances all around, Mr. Morgan’s case was killedⒶemendation. Ex-Governor Roop leant his head upon his hand for some minutes, thinkingⒶemendation, and the still audience waitedⒶemendation for his decision. Then he got up and stood erect, with bended head, and thought again. Then he walked the floor with long, deliberate strides, hisⒶemendation chin in his hand, and still the audience waited. At last he returned to his throne, seated himself, and began, impressively:Ⓐemendation
“Gentlemen, I feel the great responsibility that rests upon me this day. This is no ordinary case. On the contrary it is plain that it is the most solemn and awful that ever man was called upon to decide. Gentlemen, I have listened attentively to the evidence, and have perceived thatⒶemendation the weight of it, the overwhelmingⒶemendation weight of it,Ⓐemendation is in favor of the plaintiff HydeⒶemendation. I have listened also to the remarks of counsel, with high interest—and especially will I commend the masterly and irrefutable logic of the distinguished gentleman who represents the plaintiff. But gentlemen, let us beware how we allow mereⒶemendation human testimony, human ingenuity in argument and human ideas of equity to influence usⒶemendation at a moment so solemn as this.Ⓐemendation Gentlemen, it ill becomes us, worms as we are, to meddle with the decrees of Heaven. It is plain to me that Heaven, in its inscrutable wisdom, has seen fit to move this defendant’s ranch for a purpose. We are but creatures, and we must submit. If Heaven has chosen to favor the defendant Morgan in this marked and wonderful manner; and if Heaven, dissatisfiedⒶemendation with the position of the Morgan ranch upon the mountain side, has chosen to remove it to a position more eligible and more advantageous for its owner, it ill becomes us, insects as we are, to question the legality of the act or inquire into the reasons that prompted itⒶemendation. No—Heaven created the ranches and it is Heaven’s prerogative to reärrange them, to experiment with them, to shift them around at its pleasure. It is for us to submit, without repining. I warn you that [begin page 226] this thing which has happened is a thing with which the sacrilegious hands and brains and tongues of men must not meddle. Gentlemen, it is the verdict of this court that the plaintiff, Richard HydeⒶemendation, has been deprived of his ranch by the visitation of God! And from this decision there is no appeal.”
Buncombe seized his cargo of law-booksⒶemendation and plunged out of the court room frantic with indignationⒶemendation. He pronounced Roop to be a miraculous foolⒶemendation, an inspired idiot. In all good faith he returned at night and remonstrated with Roop upon his extravagant decision, and implored him to walk the floorⒶemendation and think for half an hour, and see if he could not figure out some sort of modification of the verdict. Roop yielded at last and got up to walk. He walked two hours and a half, and at last his face lit up happily and he told Buncombe it had occurred to him that the ranch underneath the new Morgan ranch still belonged to HydeⒶemendation, that his title to the groundⒶemendation was just as good as it had ever been, and therefore he was of opinion that HydeⒶemendation had a right to dig it out from under there and—
[begin page 227] The General never waited to hear the end of it. He was always an impatient and irascible man, that way. At the end of two months the fact that he had been played upon with a joke had managed to bore itself, like another Hoosac TunnelⒺexplanatory note, through the solid adamant of his understanding.Ⓐemendation