22 October 1864
This sketch was Clemens' most ambitious effort for the Californian to date, and in a manner that was both self-consciously literary and somewhat mechanical it combined humor with satire. The unusual first half of the sketch appears to be good-natured mimicry of the polite personal essay, as practiced by such masters as Goldsmith, Lamb, Irving, and Hawthorne. Like some of those writers, Mark Twain meditates, falls into reveries, and holds colloquies with himself in a gentle exclamatory manner, emitting such uncharacteristic appeals as “God bless my soul” while he spins out the conceit of Love's Bakery, the modern “Palace of Cupid” that he pretends to approach with all the naive and reverential awe that Goldsmith's Lien Chi Altangi feels for Westminster Abbey. This humorous essay serves as “a peculiarly fitting introductory to a story of love and misfortune”—comprising the second half of the sketch—in which Clemens takes aim at the concept of love-faithful-unto-death, the common stock of sentimental romance, and also burlesques a popular journalistic form, the column of advice offered to correspondents. (In June and July 1865 Clemens would again experiment with this type of burlesque in a weekly feature for the Californian; see “Answers to Correspondents,” nos. 105–110.) In the genteel musings about Love's Bakery, love is seen as the shaper of destinies and the undiminishing master passion, albeit comically treated in Mark Twain's elaborate image of lovers “well kneaded together, baked to a turn, and ready for matrimony.” By contrast, the tale of Breckinridge Caruthers' gruesome fate is a sadistic fantasy. Aurelia and her fiancé, with his “infernal propensity” for piecemeal disintegration, serve to ridicule the notion of extraordinary faithfulness taken to its extreme: Caruthers is a kind of concrete reductio ad absurdum.
[begin page 87]The author thought well enough of his sketch to revise it in January or February 1867 for reprinting in the Jumping Frog book. But it was probably his editor, Charles Henry Webb, who decided to omit the introductory passage about Love's Bakery and to retitle the remainder “Aurelia's Unfortunate Young Man” (see the textual commentary). Clemens continued to revise and reprint the piece in 1872, 1874, and 1875, the last revision appearing in Sketches, New and Old. Less than a year later, however, he told William Dean Howells that he had “heard of readers convulsing audiences” with the sketch, but that if there was “anything really funny in the piece, the author is not aware of it.”1 The text reprinted here gives the full Californian version, not the one edited by Mark Twain and Webb in early 1867.
Love's Bakery Ⓔexplanatory note! I am satisfied I have found the place now that I have been looking for all this time. I cannot describe to you the sensation of mingled astonishment, gladness, hope, doubt, anxiety, and balmy, blissful emotion that suffused my being and quivered in a succession of streaky thrills down my backbone, as I stood on the corner of Third and Minna streets, last Tuesday, and stared, spell-bound, at those extraordinary words, painted in large, plain letters on a neighboring window-curtain—“Love's Bakery.” “God bless my soul!” said I, “will wonders never cease?—are there to be no limits to man's spirit of invention?—is he to invade the very realms of the immortal, and presume to guide and control the great passions, the impalpable essences, that have hitherto dwelt in the secret chambers of the soul, sacred from all save divine intrusion?”
I read and re-read that remarkable sign with constantly-increasing wonder and interest. There was nothing extraordinary in the appearance of the establishment, and even if it had possessed anything of a supernatural air, it must necessarily have been neutralized by the worldly and substantial look of a pyramid of excellent bread that stood in the window—a sign very inconsistent, it seemed to me, with the character of a place devoted to the high and holy employment of instilling the passion of love into the human heart, although it was certainly in keeping with the atrocious taste which was capable of conferring upon a vice- [begin page 89] royalty of heavenⒶhistorical collation Ⓐemendation itselfⒶtextual notesuch an execrable name as “Love's Bakery.” Why not Love's Bower, or the Temple of Love, or the Palace of Cupid?—anything—anything in the world would have been less repulsive than such hideous vulgarity of nomenclature as “Love's Bakery.”
The place seemed very complete, and well supplied with every facility for carrying on the business of creating love successfully. In a window of the second story was a large tin cage with a parrot in it, and near it was a sign bearing the inscription, “Preparatory School for Young Ladies”—that is, of course, a school where they are taught certain things necessary to prepare them for the bakery down below. Not far off is also a “Preparatory School for Young Gentlemen,” which is doubtless connected with Love's Bakery too. I saw none of the pupils of either of the schools, but my imagination dwelt upon them with a deep and friendly interest. How irksome, I thought, must this course of instruction be to these tender hearts, so impatient to be baked into a state of perfect love!
Greatly moved by the singular circumstances which surrounded me, I fell into a profound and pleasing reverie. Here, I thought, they take a couple of hopeful hearts in the rough, and work them up, with spices and shortening and sweetening enough to last for a lifetime, and turn them out well kneaded together, baked to a turn, and ready for matrimony, and without having been obliged to undergo a long and harrowing courtship, with the desperate chances attendant thereon, of persevering rivals, unwilling parents, inevitable love-quarrels, and all that sort of thing.
Here, I thought, they will bake you up a couple in moderate circumstances, at short notice and at a cheap rate, and turn them out in good enough shape for the money, perhaps, but nevertheless burnt with the fire of jealousy on one side, and flabby and “duffyⒺexplanatory note” with lukewarmness and indifference on the other, and spotted all over with the salæratus stains of a predisposition to make the conjugal cake bitter and unpalatable for all time to come.
Or they will take an excessively patrician pair, charge them a dozen prices, and deliver them to order in a week, all plastered [begin page 90] over with the ghostly vines and flowers of blighted fancies, hopes and yearnings, wrought in chilly ice-work.
Or, perhaps, they will take a brace of youthful, tender hearts, and dish them up in no time, into crisp, delicate “lady-fingersⒶemendation,” tempting to contemplate, and suggestive of that serene after-dinner happiness and sociability that come when the gross substantials have been swept from the board and are forgotten in soft dalliance with pastry and ices and sparkling Moselle.
Or maybe they will take two flinty old hearts that have harbored selfishness, envy and all uncharitableness in solitude for half a century, and after a fortnight's roasting, turn them out the hardest kind of hard-tack, invulnerable to all softening influences for evermore.
Here was a revolution far more extended, and destined to be attended by more momentous consequences to the nations of the earth, than any ever projected or accomplished by the greatest of the world's military heroes! Love, the master passion of the human heart, which, since the morning of the creation had shaped the destinies of emperors and beggars alike, and had ruled all men as with a rod of iron, was to be hurled from the seat of power in a single instant, as it were, and brought into subjection to the will of an inspired, a sublimely-gifted baker! By some mysterious magic, by some strange and awful invention, the divine emotion was to be confined within set bounds and limits, controlled, weighed, measured, and doled out to God's creatures in quantities and qualities to suit the purchaser, like vulgar beer and candles!
And in times to come, I thought, the afflicted lover, instead of reading Heuston & Hastings'Ⓐhistorical collation omnipresent signⒺexplanatory note and gathering no comfort from it, will read “Go to Love's Bakery!” on the dead-walls and telegraph poles, and be saved.
Now I might never have published to the world my discovery of this manufactory of the human affections in a populous thoroughfare of San Francisco, if it had not occurred to me that some account of it would serve as a peculiarly fitting introductory to a story of love and misfortune, which it falls to my lot to relate. And yet even Love's Bakery could afford no help to the sufferers of whom I shall speak, for they do not lack affection for each other, but are the victims of an accumulation of distressing circum- [begin page 91] stances against which the efforts of that august agent would be powerless.Ⓐhistorical collation
The facts in the caseⒶhistorical collation comeⒶhistorical collation to me by letter from a young lady who lives in the beautiful city of San José; she is personallyⒶtextual note Ⓐhistorical collation unknown to me, and simply signs herself “Aurelia Maria,” which may possibly be a fictitious name. But no matter, the poor girl is almost heart-broken by the misfortunes she has undergone, and so confused by the conflicting counsels of misguided friends and insidious enemies, that she does not know what course to pursue in order to extricate herself from the web of difficulties in which she seems almost hopelessly involved. In this dilemma she turns to me for help, and supplicates for my guidance and instruction with a moving eloquence that would touch the heart of a statue. Hear her sad story:
She says that when she was sixteen years old she met and loved with all the devotion of a passionate nature a young man from New Jersey, named Williamson Breckinridge Caruthers, who was some six years her senior. They were engaged, with the free consent of their friends and relatives, and for a time it seemed as if their career was destined to be characterized by an immunity from sorrow beyond the usual lot of humanity. But at last the tide of fortune turned; young Caruthers became infected with small-pox of the most virulent type, and when he recovered from his illness, his face was pitted likeⒶhistorical collation a waffle-mould and his comeliness gone forever. Aurelia thought to break off the engagement at first, but pity for her unfortunate lover caused her to postpone the marriage-day for a season, and give him another trial. TheⒶtextual note Ⓐhistorical collation very day before the wedding was to have taken place, Breckinridge, while absorbed in watching the flight of a balloon, walked into a well and fractured one of his legs, and it had to be taken off above the knee. Again Aurelia was moved to break the engagement, but again love triumphed, and she set the day forward and gave him another chance to reform. AndⒶhistorical collation again misfortune overtook the unhappy youth. He lost one arm by the premature discharge of a Fourth-of-July cannon, and within three months he got the other pulled out by a carding-machine. Aurelia's heart was almost crushed by these latter calamities. She could not but be deeply grieved to see her lover passing from her by piecemeal, feeling, as [begin page 92] she did, that he could not last forever under this disastrous process of reduction, yet knowing of no way to stop its dreadful career, and in her tearful despairⒶhistorical collation she almost regretted, like brokers who hold on and lose, that she had not taken him at first, before he had suffered such an alarming depreciation. Still, her brave soul bore her up, and she resolved to bear with her friend's unnatural disposition yet a little longer. AgainⒶhistorical collation the wedding-day approached, and again disappointment overshadowed it: Caruthers fell ill with the erysipelas, and lost the use of one of his eyes entirely. The friends and relatives of the bride, considering that she had already put up with more than could reasonably beⒶhistorical collation expected of her, now came forward and insisted that the match should be broken off; but after wavering awhile, Aurelia, with a generous spirit which did her credit, said she had reflected calmly upon the matter and could not discover that Breckinridge was to blame. SoⒶhistorical collation she extended the time once more, and he broke his other leg. ItⒶhistorical collation was a sad day for the poor girl when she saw the surgeons reverently bearing away the sack whose uses she had learned by previous experience, and her heart told her the bitter truth that some more of her lover was gone. She felt that the field of her affections was growing more and more circumscribed every day, but once more she frowned down her relatives and renewed her betrothal. ShortlyⒶhistorical collation before the time set for the nuptials another disaster occurred. There was but one man scalped by the Owens River IndiansⒺexplanatory note last year. ThatⒶhistorical collation man was Williamson Breckinridge Caruthers, of New Jersey. He was hurrying home with happiness in his heart, when he lost his hair forever, and in that hour of bitterness he almost cursed the mistaken mercy that had spared his head.
At last Aurelia is in serious perplexity as to what she ought to do. She still loves her Breckinridge, she writes, with trueⒶhistorical collation womanly feeling—she still loves what is left of him—but her parents are bitterly opposed to the match, because he has no property and is disabled from working, and she has not sufficient means to support both comfortably. “Now, what should she do?” she asks with painful and anxious solicitude.
It is a delicate question; it is one which involves the life-longⒶemendation happiness of a woman, and that of nearly two-thirds of a man, and [begin page 93] I feel that it would be assuming too great a responsibility to do more than make a mere suggestion in the case. How would it do to build to him? If Aurelia can afford the expense, let her furnish her mutilated lover with wooden arms and wooden legs, and a glass eye and a wig, and give him another show; give him ninety days, without grace, and if he does not break his neck in the meantime, marry him and take the chances. It does not seem to me that there is muchⒶhistorical collation risk, any way,Ⓐhistorical collation because if he sticks to his infernal propensityⒶhistorical collation for damaging himself every time he sees a good opportunity, his next experiment is bound to finish him, and then you are all right, you knowⒶhistorical collation, married or single. If married, the wooden legs and such other valuables as he may possess, revert to the widow, and you see you sustain no actual loss save the cherished fragmentⒶhistorical collation of a noble but most unfortunate husband, who honestly strove to do right, but whose extraordinary instincts were against him. Try it, Maria!Ⓐhistorical collation I have thought the matter over carefully and well, and it is the only chance I see for you. It would have been a happy conceit on the part of Caruthers if he had started with his neck and broken that first, but since he has seen fit to choose a different policy and string himself out as long as possible, I do not think we ought to upbraid him for it if he has enjoyed it. We must do the best we can under the circumstances, and try not to feel exasperated at him.Ⓐemendation Ⓐhistorical collation
Historical Collation
Texts collated:
Cal “Whereas,” Californian 1 (22 October 1864): 1.YS MT Clipping of Cal revised by Mark Twain in the Yale Scrapbook.
\“Aurelia's Unfortunate Young Man” in the following]
JF1 Jumping Frog (New York: Webb, 1867), pp. 20–25. Reprints part of Cal with authorial revisions and corrections identical with those in YSMT.
JF1MT The copy of an 1869 impression of JF1 revised by Mark Twain. The revisions were not reprinted.
JF2 Jumping Frog (London: Routledge, 1867), pp. 21–25. Reprints JF1 with few errors.
JF3 Jumping Frog (London: Hotten, 1870), pp. 28–31. Reprints JF2 with few errors.
JF4 Jumping Frog (London: Routledge, 1870 and 1872), pp. 16–20. Reprints JF2 without substantive error.
MTSk Mark Twain's Sketches (London: Routledge, 1872), pp. 239–242. Reprints JF4 with authorial revisions and few errors.
MTSkMT Copy of MTSk revised by Mark Twain, who made no changes in this sketch.
HWa Choice Humorous Works (London: Hotten, 1873), pp. 388–390. Reprints JF3 with few errors.
HWaMT Sheets of HWa revised by Mark Twain, who made four changes in this sketch.
HWb Choice Humorous Works (London: Chatto and Windus, 1874), pp. 383–385. Reprints HWa with authorial revisions from HWaMT.
HWbMT Copy of HWb revised by Mark Twain, who canceled this sketch.
Sk#1 Mark Twain's Sketches: Number One (New York: American News Company, 1874), pp. 23–25. Reprints MTSk without authorial revisions.
SkNO Sketches, New and Old (Hartford: American Publishing Company, 1875), pp. 253–256. Reprints MTSkMT without authorial revisions.
The first printing in the Californian 1 (22 October 1864): 1 is copy-text. Copies: Bancroft; clipping in Scrapbook 4, pp. 18–19, MTP; PH of the Yale Scrapbook, pp. 10–12.
Reprintings and Revisions. Mark Twain revised a clipping from the Californian in the Yale Scrapbook, where it remains intact. He retitled the sketch “LOVE'S BAKERY. To which is added the Singular History of Aurelia Maria” (see figure 94A). He substituted “Plantation Bitters” for “Heuston & Hastings,” the name of a San Francisco firm, presumably because the former was more widely known. He corrected an error by inserting “heaven” in the phrase “of heaven itself.” He also broke the long summary paragraph (beginning at 91.15) into seven shorter paragraphs; and he inserted “Aurelia” at 93.8. The author's intention in January or February 1867 was evidently to reprint the entire sketch as he had revised it.
JF1, however, reprinted only the second half, omitting the long introductory section about Love's Bakery. The sketch was retitled “Aurelia's Unfortunate Young Man” and incorporated several smaller changes not entered in the scrapbook, as well as Mark Twain's scrapbook alterations: his changes in paragraphing and his insertion of “Aurelia” all appeared in the JF1 printing—strong presumptive evidence that the scrapbook clipping served as printer's copy.
But as we have argued in the textual introduction (volume 1, pp. 526–527), it is still not clear why, if the clipping was indeed printer's copy, it was not removed from the scrapbook. Perhaps the procedure of removing clippings for the printer's convenience was adopted only after “Whereas” and the “Jumping Frog” sketch—the first two items in JF1—were typeset. Or perhaps a duplicate clipping, now lost, was used as printer's copy instead, after the author's revisions had been transferred to it. In any case, “Whereas” was demonstrably edited further after Mark Twain had revised it in the scrapbook—either in proof, or on a duplicate clipping (see the textual note at 91.3–4). On balance, it seems likely that these slight later alterations were made by the editor of JF1, Charles Henry Webb, and that it was also he who decided to shorten the sketch. Nevertheless, the possibility of authorial tinkering cannot be completely ruled out.
The reprinting of the JF1 text is described in the textual introduction. Routledge reprinted JF1 in 1867 (JF2), and Hotten in turn reprinted JF2 in 1870 (JF3); Routledge also reprinted JF2 in 1870 (JF4a) and, using the JF4 plates, reissued the book in 1872 (JF4b). None of these texts was revised by the author, although the compositors of JF2 and JF3 introduced several minor errors and sophistications: “came” for “come” (91.3); “with” for “like” (91.24); and “truly” for “true” (92.31). When Mark Twain prepared the printer's copy for MTSk in March or April 1872, he revised a copy of JF4a, making two changes: “infernal” became “singular” (93.8), and “all right, you know” became “safe” (93.10–11). The compositor introduced one obvious error, making 93.7–8 read “It does not seem to me that there is not much risk”; the error may reflect the author's effort, unclear or misinterpreted, to move “not” from its original position to one just before “much.”
One year later (1873) Hotten reprinted the JF3 text in HWa. When Mark Twain revised this book for Chatto and Windus in the fall of 1873 (HWaMT), he made a number of small changes. He corrected an error deriving from JF3, restoring “like” for “with.” He deleted “tearful” (92.3) and changed “be” to “have been” (92.11). And instead of changing “infernal” to “singular,” as he had done for MTSk, he deleted it. All of the HWaMT changes were incorporated in HWb, published in 1874. HWb also reprinted an error (“This” instead of “That” at 92.25) first introduced by the compositor of HWa.
In 1874 Mark Twain reprinted the sketch in Sk#1, using a copy (now lost) of MTSk as printer's copy. He made no revisions, but he or his compositor did correct the error introduced by the MTSk compositor, reverting to his original reading: “It does not seem to me that there is much risk.” In 1875, when Mark Twain came to reprint the sketch in SkNO, he entered the title “Aurelia's Unfortunate Young Man” as item 63 in the Doheny table of contents (see figure 23G in the textual introduction, volume 1, p. 630). The sketch was included in a group, items
Mark Twain had revised the JF1 printing of this sketch well before making most of the revisions discussed above. Sometime in 1869 he made two small revisions in the Doheny copy of the Jumping Frog, JF1MT, canceling “tearful” and “infernal” (92.3 and 93.8). Although collation shows that JF1MT was not used as printer's copy for any known reprinting, the revisions it contains are often strikingly similar, even identical, to those the author made on HWaMT and elsewhere.
The diagram of transmission is given below.