§ 6. “Pictur'” Department
23 September 1852
(This headnote is repeated in numbers 5 and 6.)
These two sketches (5 and 6) were installments in the first of Clemens' journalistic “feuds” and were made possible by Orion's absence in Tennessee. They appeared in two successive issues of the September 1852 Hannibal Journal (a weekly): “ ‘Local’ Resolves to Commit Suicide” on September 16, and “ ‘Pictur'’ Department” one week later.
Writing as “A Dog-bedeviled citizen” Orion had apparently complained about the noise of stray barking dogs sometime in mid-August 1852. His complaint had been answered by J. T. Hinton, the “local” for the Hannibal Tri-Weekly Messenger and a town newcomer, on August 24:
A fierce hater of the canine race pours out his vials of wrath, as if to add a fresh stimulus to our worthy dog-exterminator, whose active exertions have already silenced the plaintive wail and mournful howl of many a pugnacious cur and ferocious mastiff. “A Dog-bedeviled citizen” must surely be a man of nervous temperament, else why so pitiful a dirge over an annoyance to which a long familiarity has made us accustomed. . . . To men of such extreme sensibility as the writer in question, barks-canine naturally prove annoying, but to those composed of firmer materials they only prove a source of solace, giving to them security during their midnight slumbers. The faithful watch-dogs deter miscreants from making inroads upon the property of our citizens, then surely, if music be their humor, they may be permitted to engage in vocal concerts, leaving it to the option of nervous gentlemen to place cotton in their ears, ere they retire to their pillows.1
Orion evidently declined to answer this sarcastic notice, but when Clemens was left in charge of the paper he boldly took up the challenge as a pretext for his satiric attack on Hinton. The real occasion for the satire, at least as Clemens remembered it almost twenty years later, was Hinton's attempt to commit suicide by drowning himself in Bear Creek because he had been jilted. According to Clemens, the attempt failed when the love-stricken editor changed his mind and waded ashore: “The village was full of it for several days, but Hinton did not suspect it.”2
Clemens, perhaps taking his cue from a recent issue of the Boston Carpet-Bag containing a cartoon of a man wading in a stream with his “pocket pistol” showing, illustrated his first sketch with a crude but quite intelligible picture of “Local,” walking stick and lantern in hand, cautiously wading into Bear Creek. To mock Hinton's defense of “barks-canine” Clemens drew him with the head of a dog. Hinton's response to this rather personal assault was to be outraged and at least momentarily vengeful: “This newly arisen ‘Ned Buntline,’ ” he warned, “shall be paid in his own coin, even if we incur the risk of being set down as a sap-head for taking notice of a writer who has not the decency of a gentleman, nor the honor of a blackguard; yet, as he has attempted to turn the laugh against us by caricature, we will retaliate, basing our likeness, however, upon, at least, a semblance of the truth.”3 Two days later, perhaps realizing the youth of his opponent, he thought better of his threat:
Personal.—Not desiring to carry on a personal controversy of so low and contemptible a nature as “A Dog-be-deviled Citizen” has clearly convinced the community is his own natural element, we have given over our intention of adding to the correspondent's disgrace by exhibiting him in his true light through the means of wood cuts. Such controversies are adapted only to those whose ideas are of so obscene and despicable an order as to forever bar them against a gentlemanly or even decent discussion, either in conversation or with the pen; and we have too much respect for ourself, and the paper with which we are connected, to ever be guilty of any act that might place us on an equality with a writer of this character.
In justice to the Editor of the Journal, we would take this occasion to remark, that we believe him innocent of intentionally doing us an injury, and absolve him from all censure.4
Clemens' response to this diatribe was to publish “ ‘Pictur'’ Department,” which he embellished with two additional, equally crude portraits of “Local.”5
In 1871 Clemens recalled that the object of his ridicule “threw up his situation that night and left town for good.”6 This is an exaggeration, but it is apparent that Hinton took the whole matter rather seriously—even though he knew that the “Editor” (that is, Orion) was not responsible. In the same issue that carried “ ‘Pictur'’ Department” (September 23) Orion tried to smooth over hurt feelings: “The jokes of our correspondent have been rather rough; but originating and perpetrated in a spirit of fun, and without a serious thought, no attention was expected to be paid to them, beyond a smile at the local editor's expense.”7 Hinton was not easily mollified, however, and could not forbear further comment that evening:
☞We have but a few words to say in reference to the picture gallery furnished in the Journal of this morning. The author, throughout the entire piece, displays an amount of egotism, that is a universal characteristic of all blackguards—they depend upon gross and insipid personalities to gain that which they could not do in a respectable or decent manner; and they have not the manliness to make a direct assertion, but deal in implication, so that they may have a loop-hole through which to escape, if things should take a more serious turn than they desire.
“Thinks it best to stop the controversy!” well that [is] impudence of the first order! We never have nor never will stoop to a controversy of so contemptible a nature as is ‘A-dog-bedeviled-citizen's’ delight, and if he sees fit to swallow the truth in such warm doses as we have given it, we shall not object, and shall pass his illustrations by as the feeble eminations of a puppy's brain.8
Although Hinton appears to have the last word, it is certainly clear that the sixteen-year-old “puppy” emerged from the scuffle victorious. The extraordinary gift of satire which these pieces manifest, and the energy of the response they elicited, remind us that the apprentice author would eventually find other, bitterer feuds to fight in the newspapers.9
“Local” discovers something interesting in the Journal Ⓔexplanatory note, and becomes excited.
[“Local,” determined upon the destruction of the great enemy of the canine race, charters an old swivel (a six pounder) and declares war. Lead being scarce, he loads his cannon with Tri-Weekly Messengers.]
“Local” is somewhat astonished at the effect of the discharge, and is under the impression that there was something the matter with the apparatus—thinks the hole must have been drilled in the wrong end of the artillery. He finds, however, that although he missed the “Dog-be-Deviled Citizen,”* he nevertheless hit the manⒺexplanatory note “who has not the decency of a gentleman nor the honor of a blackguard,” and thinks it best to stop the controversy.
Mr. Editor:
I have now dropped this farce, and all attempts to again call me forth will be useless.
A Dog-be-Deviled Citizen.
*Who walks quietly away, in the distance, uninjured.
The first printing appeared in the Hannibal Journal for 23 September 1852 (p. 2). The only known copy of this printing, in MoHist, is copy-text. Clemens may have typeset and proofread the sketch. For the woodcuts, see the textual commentary to no. 5. There are no textual notes or emendations.