19–21 May 1863
A clipping of this San Francisco letter to the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise is preserved in one of Mark Twain's scrapbooks. Since Mark Twain dated his letter 16 May 1863, a Saturday, it probably appeared in the Enterprise sometime between May 19 and 21. It is the first example of Clemens' writing known to use “Mark Twain” in the heading, a change that signifies his growing reputation in Nevada.
On May 2 Clemens stepped down temporarily from his post as local editor of the Enterprise and, along with Clement T. Rice, set off for a two-month visit to San Francisco.1 The next day the Enterprise announced his departure and speculated facetiously about his reasons for leaving:
As he assigned no adequate reason for this sudden step, we thought him the pitiable victim of self-conceit and the stock mania. He possessed some wildcat, and had lectured the Unreliable on manners till he fancied himself a Chesterfield. Yes, the poor fellow actually thought he possessed some breeding—that Virginia was too narrow a field for his graces and accomplishments; and in this delusion he has gone to display his ugly person and disgusting manners and wildcat on Montgomery street. In all of which he will be assisted by his protegee, the Unreliable. It is to be regretted that such scrubs are ever permitted to visit the Bay, as the inevitable effect will be to destroy that exalted opinion of the manners and morality of our people which was inspired by the conduct of our senior editor. We comfort ourselves, however, with the reflection that they will not be likely to shock the sensibilities of San Francisco long. The ordinances against nuisances are stringently enforced in that city.2
The present sketch—Clemens' earliest extant letter written during his visit to San Francisco—clearly plays upon the expectations thus aroused. Its chief focus is on that “species of villainy” spawned by the Unreliable's “fertile brain,” but in several respects the sketch anticipates the fictional “Mr. Brown” and “Mr. Twain” which Clemens would exploit in his 1866 letters from the Sandwich Islands. The Unreliable is presented as a deadbeat, characterized by his uncivilized use of current slang, as well as mining and legal jargon, which types him as a “scrub” and superficially distinguishes him from the more genteel “Mr. Mark Twain,” one of the invited guests at the wedding. But the Unreliable is also less fatuous than this genteel character—interrupting, for instance, his “glowing and poetical” thoughts about the “weather”: “You make a fool of yourself that way; everybody gets disgusted with you; stuff! be a man or a mouse, can't you?” Likewise, in Mark Twain's fourth letter from the Sandwich Islands Mr. Brown interrupts a similar “reverie” with hard facts: “Oh, fill me up about this lovely country! You can go on writing that slop about balmy breezes and fragrant flowers, and all that sort of truck, but you're not going to leave out them santipedes and things for want of being reminded of it, you know.”3
San Francisco, May 16, 1863.
Eds. Enterprise:—The Unreliable, since he has been here, has conducted himself in such a reckless and unprincipled manner that he has brought the whole Territory into disrepute and made its name a reproach, and its visiting citizens objects of suspicion. He has been a perfect nightmare to the officers of the Occidental HotelⒺexplanatory note. They give him an excellent room, but if, in prowling about the house, he finds another that suits him better, he “locates” it (that is his slang way of expressing it). Judging by his appearance what manner of man he was, the hotel clerk at first gave him a room immediately under the shingles—but it was found impossible to keep him there. He said he could not stand it, because spinning round and round, up that spiral staircase, caused his beer to ferment, and made him foam at the mouth like a soda fountain; wherefore, he descended at the dead of night and “jumped” a room on the second floor (the very language he used in boasting of the exploit). He said they served an injunction on him there, “and,” says he, “if Bill StewartⒺexplanatory note had been down here, Mark, I'd have sued to quiet titleⒺexplanatory note, and I'd have held that ground, don't you know it?” And he sighed; and after ruminating a moment, he added,Ⓐemendation in a tone of withering contempt: “But these lawyers won't touch a case unless a man has some rights; humph! they haven't any more strategy into 'em than a clam. But Bill Stewart—thunder! Now, you just take that Ophir suit that's coming off in VirginiaⒺexplanatory note, for instance—why, God bless you, Bill Stewart'll worry the witnesses, and bullyrag [begin page 251] the JudgeⒺexplanatory note, and buy up the jury and pay for 'em; and he'll prove things that never existed—hell! what won't he prove! that's the idea—what won't he prove, you know? Why, Mark, I'll tell you what he done when—”
The Unreliable was interrupted here by a messenger from the hotel office, who handed him several sheets of legal cap, very neatly folded. He took them and motioned the young man to retire. “Now,” said he, confidentially, “do you know what that is, Sweetness?” I said I thought it was a wash bill, or a hotel bill, or something of that kind. His countenance beamed with admiration: “You've struck it, by the Lord; yes, sir, that's just what it is—it'sⒶemendation another of them d—d assessments; they levied one on me last week, and I meant to go and see a lawyer about it, but”—The Unreliable simmered down into a profound reverie, and I waited in silence to see what species of villainy his fertile brain would bring forth. At last he started up exultingly, with a devilish light in his eye:Ⓐemendation “I've got them in the door, Mark! They've been trying all they knew how to freeze me out, but they can't win. This hotel ain'tⒶemendation incorporated under the laws of the Territory, and they can't collect—they are only a lot of blasted tenants in common! O, certainly” (with bitter scorn), “they'll get rich playing me for a Chinaman, you know.” I forbear to describe how he reveled in the prospect of swindling the Occidental out of his hotel bill—it is too much humiliation even to think of it.
This young man insisted upon taking me to a concert last night, and I refused to go at first, because I am naturally suspicious of him, but he assured me that the Bella Union MelodeonⒺexplanatory note was such a chaste and high-toned establishment that he would not hesitate to take any lady there who would go with him. This remark banished my fears, of course, and we proceeded to the house of amusement. We were the first arrivals there. He purchased two pit tickets for twenty-five cents apiece; I demurred at this kind of hospitality, and reminded him that orchestra seats were only fifty cents, and private boxes two dollars and a half. He bent on me a look of compassion, and muttered to himself that some people have no more sense than a boiled carrot—that some people's intellects were as dark as the inside of a cow. He walked into the pit, and then climbed over into the orchestra seats as coolly as if he had chartered the theatre. I followed, of course. Then he said, “Now, Mark, keep your eye skinned on that doorkeeper, and do as I [begin page 252] do.” I did as he did, and I am ashamed to say that he climbed a stantion and took possession of a private box. In due course several gentlemen performers came on the stage, and with them half a dozen lovely and blooming damsels, with the largest ankles you ever saw. In fact, they were dressed like so many parasols—as it were. Their songs, and jokes, and conundrums were received with rapturous applause. The Unreliable said these things were all copyrighted; it is probably true— I never heard them anywhere else. He was well pleased with the performance, and every time one of the ladies sang, he testified his approbation by knocking some of her teeth out with a bouquet. The Bella Union, I am told, is supported entirely by Washoe patronage. There are forty-two single gentlemen here from Washoe, and twenty-six married ones; they were all at the concert last night except two —both unmarried. But if the Unreliable had not told me it was a moral, high-toned establishment, I would not have observed it.
Hon. Wm. H. DavenportⒺexplanatory note, of Virginia, and Miss Mollie Spangler, of Cincinnati, Ohio, were married here on the 10th instant, at the residence of Colonel John A. CollinsⒺexplanatory note. Among the invited guests were Judge NoyesⒺexplanatory note and lady, Messrs. Beecher and Franz, of VirginiaⒺexplanatory note, and Mr. Mark Twain; among the uninvited I noticed only the Unreliable. It will probably never be known what became of the spoons. The bridal party left yesterday for Sacramento, and may be expected in Virginia shortly.Ⓐemendation Old, fatⒶemendation, jolly B. C. HowardⒺexplanatory note Ⓐtextual note, a Lyon county Commissioner, is here, at the Russ House, where he will linger a while and then depart for his old home in Vermont, to return again in the Fall. Col. Raymond, of the Zephyr-Flat millⒺexplanatory note, is in the city, also, and taking up a good deal of room in Montgomery street and the Bank Exchange; he has invested in some fast horses, and I shall probably take them over to Washoe shortly. There are multitudes of people from the Territory here at the three principal hotels—consequently, provisions are scarce. If you will send a few more citizens down we can carry this electionⒺexplanatory note, and fill all these city offices with Carson and Virginia men.
There is not much doing in stocks just now, especially in the Boards. But I suspect it is the case here as it is in Virginia, that the Boards do precious little of the business. Many private sales of Union (Gold Hill) and Yellow Jacket have transpired here during the past week at much higher prices than you quote those stocks at. Three [begin page 253] hundred feet of Golden Gate changed hands at $100 per foot, and fifty feet at $110; but a telegram from Virginia yesterday, announcing that they had “struck it”—and moderately rich—in the San Francisco, raised both stocks several figures, as also the Golden Eagle (first south extension of the Golden Gate), which had been offered the day before at $30 a foot. Two hundred feet of Oriental were sold at private sale to-day at $7 a foot. Now, you hear no talk in Virginia but the extraordinary dullness of the San Francisco market. Humbug! It may be dull in the Boards, but it is lively enough on the street. If you doubt it, say so, and I will move around a little and furnish you with all the statistics you want.
I meant to say something glowing and poetical about the weather, but the Unreliable has come in and driven away refined emotion from my breast. He says:Ⓐemendation “Say it'sⒶemendation bully, you tallow-brained idiot! that's enough; anybody can understand that; don't write any of those infernal, sick platitudes about sweet flowers, and joyous butterflies, and worms and things, for people to read before breakfast. You make a fool of yourself that way; everybody gets disgusted with you; stuff! be a man or a mouse, can't you?”
I must go out, now, with this conceited ass—there is no other way to get rid of him.
Mark Twain.
Ophir suit that's coming off in Virginia] The general reference of Clemens' remark is to the four years of contention and complex litigation between the Ophir Silver Mining Company and the Burning Moscow Company. The mines of the two companies were adjacent, and title to 800 feet was in dispute. Before a final compromise was effected in October 1864, more than $1 million had been expended in the Ophir-Moscow trials, according to the estimate of S. H. Marlette, surveyor general of Nevada (Annual Report of the Surveyor-General of the State of Nevada, for the Year 1865, p. 28). Stewart, the highly paid chief counsel for Ophir, vigorously propounded the “one-ledge” theory to sustain his client's claim to the contested ground, whereas the Burning Moscow lawyers supported the “many-ledge” theory to prove that the Moscow ledge was distinct from that of the Ophir and not a spur or offshoot of it. (See “A Card. Burning Moscow Company vs. Madison Company,” 9 March 1863, a letter from D. W. Perley in “Bancroft Scraps, Nevada Mining” [set W, vol. 94:1], p. 54, Bancroft, and a reply from Leonard W. Ferris, 16 March 1863, ibid., p. 58; Lord, Comstock Mining, pp. 137–144, 173–177; Charles Howard Shinn, The Story of the Mine [New York: D. Appleton and Co., 1901], pp. 131–133.)
Clemens appears to have favored the “many-ledge” theory. With the Ophir-Moscow contention in mind, he complained to his brother about the “preposterous wrong” of the jury's decision in another famous legal battle, the Chollar-Potosi suit: “If that decision stands,” he wrote, “the Ophir will open its mighty jaws and swallow Mount Davidson” (Clemens to Orion [and Mollie] Clemens, 21 October 1862, CL1 , letter 64).
In particular, however, Clemens refers to the suit brought by Ophir against Burning Moscow on 16 March 1863 in the First District Court, Virginia City. On 14 May 1863, while the suit was in progress and two days before Clemens' letter, Ophir miners, who were working in the westward extension of the tunnel into the middle lead, cut into the Burning Moscow works and were physically repulsed. Ophir successfully applied for a temporary injunction restraining the Burning Moscow Company from extracting ore from the contested ground but permitting Ophir to do so (“The Ophir Monopoly,” letter from “A Subscriber,” Virginia City Union, 1 September 1863, clipping in “Bancroft Scraps, Nevada Mining” [set W, vol. 94:1], pp. 117–118, Bancroft).
The first printing appeared in the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise, sometime between 19 and 21 May 1863. The only known copy of this printing, in a clipping in Scrapbook 2, pp. 44–45, MTP, is copy-text.