March–April 1863
“Examination of Teachers” is extant only in an undated clipping from the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise, preserved in a scrapbook in the Morse Collection at Yale. The piece probably appeared in that newspaper's local column sometime in March or April 1863, but a more precise date cannot now be determined, and even this conjecture must remain very tentative.
The examination in question probably took place sometime in 1863: the names mentioned in Clemens' text are found, for the most part, in the Nevada Territory directories of that year. Moreover, it was not until December 1862 that the second Territorial Legislature acted to “provide for a Board of Education in Storey county.”1 That board was first elected on 5 January 1863, and probably held its first meeting one week later. It was empowered, as Clemens wrote at the time, to “issue bonds for a sum sufficient to defray the expenses of the respective schools of the county, from the beginning of the present month [January] until the first of November” and to “establish schools of all grades, engage and examine teachers, etc.”2
The first sign of activity based upon this mandate was reported by Clemens in the Enterprise on February 25:
School-House.—An addition is being built to the public school-house, and will be completed and put in order for occupation as soon as possible. Mr. Mellvile's school has increased to such an extent that the old premises were found insufficient to accommodate all the pupils. As soon as the new building is completed, the school will be divided into three departments—advanced, intermediate and infant—and one of these will occupy it.3
It is not known when the new building was completed, but it was probably not before the end of the month. The earliest possible date for “Examination of Teachers” seems, therefore, to be March, for Clemens clearly refers to the new building when he reports that the “grand examination” was held “in one of the rooms of the Public School of this city.” Moreover, it seems plausible that the board of education would take steps to staff the new school building at about the same time it undertook construction. We know that by October 1863 the number of school-age children had, in fact, grown to 420, at least 400 more than the year before:4 this in itself would suggest the urgent need for an additional twelve teachers, who, as Clemens says here, were to be chosen by examination. The most likely time for such an examination, therefore, seems to be in March or possibly April 1863. It could not have taken place in May or June, because Clemens was in San Francisco for the whole of both months and so could not have reported it. On the other hand, it is conceivable that teacher recruitment was delayed until July or August, or even later. No record of such an examination has, however, been found in the file of the Virginia City Evening Bulletin (6 July 1863–December 1864).
Clemens' sketch bears a resemblance to “Silver Bars—How Assayed” (no. 43), for it, too, humanizes an inherently dry subject by comically injecting the author's own feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. His account throws light on the surprisingly rigorous standards for teacher selection in Storey County: the newly elected board of education seems to have established a formidable range of subjects on which to examine candidates. But Clemens' admiration for such standards is balanced by his set of mock questions especially designed for teachers of “little Washoeites”: a small tour de force aimed at needling “the Board” for its overweening thoroughness.
A grand examination of candidates for positions as teachers in our public schools was had yesterday in one of the rooms of the Public School in this city. Some twenty-eight candidates were present —twenty-three of whom were ladies and five gentlemen. We do the candidates but simple justice when we say that we have never seen more intelligent faces in a crowd of the size. The following gentlemen constituted the Board of Examiners: Dr. GeigerⒺexplanatory note, Mr. J. W. WhicherⒺexplanatory note and John A. CollinsⒺexplanatory note. We observed that Messrs. FeusierⒺexplanatory note, AdkisonⒺexplanatory note and RobinsonⒺexplanatory note of the Board of Trustees were also present yesterday. Printed questions are given to each of the candidates, the answers to which are written out and handed in with the signature of the applicant appended. These are all examined in private by the Board, and those who have best acquitted themselves are selected as teachers. In all, we believe, about twelve teachers are to be chosen. Upon each of the following subjects a great number of questions are to be answered: General questions, methods of teaching, object teaching; spelling, reading, writing, defining, arithmetic, grammar, geography, natural philosophy, history of the United States, physiology and hygiene, chemistry, algebra, geometry, natural history, astronomy—in all, eighteen subjects, with about as many questions upon each. Yesterday they had got as far as the ninth subject, grammar, at the time of our visit, and we presume have got but little further. To-day the examination will be resumed. If there is anything that terrifies us it is an examination. We don't even like an examination in a Police Court. [begin page 232] In vain we looked from face to face yesterday through the whole list of candidates for signs of fright or trepidation. All appeared perfectly at ease, though quite in earnest. We took a look at some of the questions and were made very miserable by barely glancing them over. We became much afraid that some member of the Board would suddenly turn upon us and require us on pain of death or a long imprisonment, to answer some of the questions. Under the head of “Object Teaching,” we found some ten questions—some of them, like a wheel within a wheel, containing ten questions in one. We barely glanced at the list, reading here and there a question, when we felt great beads of perspiration starting out upon our brow—our massive intellect oozing out. Happening to read a question like this, “Name four of the faculties of children that are earliest developed,” we at once became anxious to get out of the room. We expected each moment that one of the Board would seize us by the collar and ask, “Why is it?” or something of the kind, and we wanted to leave—thought we would feel better in the open air. When the answers of all the candidates are opened and read we will try to be on hand; we are anxious for information on those “four faculties.” We think the above a good deal like the conundrum about the young man who “went to the Sandwich Islands; learned the language of the Kanakas, came home, got married, got drunk, went crazy, was sent to Stockton —Why is it?” Then under the same head we noticed ten questions about mining for silver ores and ten more about the reduction of silver ores. Why these twenty-three “school marms” are expected to be posted on amalgamating processes, is more than we can guess. As this is a mining country, we presume it is necessary for a lady to give satisfactory answers to such questions as the following, before being entrusted with the education of our little Washoeites: “What is your opinion of the one-ledge theoryⒺexplanatory note? Have you seen the Ophir horseⒺexplanatory note? Have you conscientious scruples as to black dykeⒺexplanatory note? Are you committed to the sage-brush processⒺexplanatory note? Give your opinion on vein matter, and state your reasons for thinking so; and tell wherein you differ with those who do not agree with you.”
Ophir horse] The expression was proverbial. It reflects the relatively low prices or low-value property which the original locators of the Ophir and other valuable Comstock claims accepted in trade for their interests. Clemens wrote of the Ophir horse in his “Around the World. Letter Number 6” (no. 268), first published in the Buffalo Express on 8 January 1870 (p. 2) and reprinted (with revisions) in chapter 46 of Roughing It:
An individual who owned 20 feet in the Ophir mine before its great riches were revealed to men, traded it for a horse, and a very sorry looking brute he was too. A year or so afterward, when Ophir stock went up to $3000 a foot, this man, who hadn't a cent, used to say he was the most startling example of magnificence and misery the world had ever seen—because he was able to ride a 60,000-dollar horse and yet had to ride him bareback because he couldn't scare up cash enough to buy a saddle. He said if fortune were to give him another 60,000-dollar horse it would ruin him.
The individual in Clemens' anecdote has not been identified, but other “Ophir horse” stories abound in histories of the Comstock Lode. John D. Winters and Joseph A. Osborn, for example, acquired a two-sixths interest in the Ophir from Peter O'Riley and Patrick McLaughlin for two arrastras and two horses or mules, and both O'Riley and McLaughlin eventually lost everything. Another commonly told story was that Alva Gould sold his claim to a California buyer for $450 and drunkenly rode his horse down Gold Canyon shouting “Oh, I've fooled the Californian” (Lord, Comstock Mining, pp. 54, 60).
The first printing appeared in the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise, probably sometime in March or April 1863. The only known copy of this printing, in a clipping in a scrapbook at Yale (Za/C591/ + 1/v.7), is copy-text. There are no textual notes or emendations.