§ 122. Earthquake Almanac
17 October 1865
This sketch was published in the San Francisco Dramatic Chronicle on 17 October 1865, two days before Clemens wrote to Orion: “The Dramatic Chronicle pays me—or rather will begin to pay me, next week—$40 a month for dramatic criticisms.” Unlike “Enthusiastic Eloquence” (no. 111), which Clemens had published there in late June, the present sketch was probably written as part of a concerted effort to get out of debt.1
Drawing on the obvious public interest in the earthquake of October 8, Clemens spoofed the sententious weather forecasts to be found in almanacs, medical or otherwise. Patent medicine almanacs had begun to appear in about the mid-1840s and were soon commonplace, usually being given away free by drugstores in the months before Christmas. While Clemens was a local reporter in Virginia City, for instance, Morrill's Drug Store advertised its large supply of medical almanacs free for the asking. In addition to astrological forecasts, phases of the moon and positions of the planets, and miscellaneous advice and remedies, these almanacs often included pithy notes about the expected weather for each day of the month. Clemens' burlesque effectively caught their gnomic, all-wise tone, while adding a touch of the doomsday atmosphere he liked to project onto the San Francisco earthquakes.
Either Clemens or Charles Henry Webb decided to reprint this sketch as “A Page from a Californian Almanac” in the 1867 Jumping Frog book. But even though Clemens revised and again reprinted the piece in 1872, in 1873 he declined to reprint it, telling Andrew Chatto to “leave out this puling imbecility.”2 It was not subsequently reprinted.
Eds. Chronicle:—Ⓐhistorical collationAt the instance of several friends who feel a boding anxiety to know beforehand what sort of phenomena we may expect the elements to exhibit during the next month or two, and who have lost all confidence in the various patent medicine almanacs, because of the unaccountable reticence of those works concerning the extraordinary event of the 8th inst., I have compiled the following almanac expressly for this latitudeⒶhistorical collation:
Oct. 17.—Weather hazy; atmosphere murky and dense. An expression of profound melancholy will be observable upon most countenances.
Oct. 18.—Slight earthquake. Countenances grow more melancholy.
Oct. 19.—Look out for rain. It would be absurd to look in for it. The general depression of spirits increasedⒶhistorical collation.
Oct. 20.—More weather.
Oct. 21.—SameⒶhistorical collation.
Oct. 22.—Light winds, perhaps. If they blow, it will be from the “east'ardⒶemendation, or the nor'ard, or the west'ard, or the suth'ard,” or from some general direction approximating more or less to these points of the compass or otherwise. Winds are uncertain—more especially when they blow from whence they comethⒺexplanatory note and whither they listeth. N. B.—Such is the nature of winds.Ⓐhistorical collation
Oct. 23.—Mild, balmy earthquakes.
Oct. 24.—Shaky.
[begin page 299]Oct. 25.—Occasional shakes, followed by light showers of bricks and plastering. N. B.—Stand from under.Ⓐhistorical collation
Oct. 26.—Considerable phenomenal atmospheric foolishness. About this time expect more earthquakes, but do not look outⒶhistorical collation for them, on account of the bricks.
Oct. 27.—Universal despondency, indicative of approaching disaster. Abstain from smiling, or indulgence in humorous conversation, or exasperating jokes.
Oct. 28.—Misery, dismal forebodings and despair. Beware of all light discourse—a joke uttered at this time would produce a popular outbreak.
Oct. 29.—Beware!
Oct. 30.—Keep dark!
Oct. 31.—Go slowⒶhistorical collation!
Nov. 1.—Terrific earthquake. This is the great earthquake month. More stars fall and more worlds are slatheredⒶhistorical collation around carelessly and destroyed in November than in any other month of the twelve.
Nov. 2.—Spasmodic but exhilaratingⒶemendation earthquakes, accompanied by occasional showers of rain, and churches and things.
Nov. 3.—Make your will.
Nov. 4.—Sell out.
Nov. 5.—Select your “last words.” Those of John Quincy AdamsⒺexplanatory note will do, with the addition of a syllable, thus: “This is the last of earth-quakes.”
Nov. 6.—Prepare to shed this mortal coilⒺexplanatory note.
Nov. 7.—Shed!
Nov. 8.—The sun will rise as usual, perhaps; but if he does he will doubtless be staggered someⒶhistorical collation to find nothing but a large round hole eight thousand miles in diameter in the place where he saw this world serenely spinningⒶemendation the day before.
Mark Twain.Ⓐhistorical collation
Historical Collation
Texts collated:
DC “Earthquake Almanac,” San Francisco Dramatic Chronicle, 17 October 1865, p. 3.“A Page from a Californian Almanac” in the following
JF1 Jumping Frog (New York: Webb, 1867), pp. 141–143. Reprints DC without demonstrable revision by Mark Twain.
JF2 Jumping Frog (London: Routledge, 1867), pp. 132–134. Reprints JF1 without substantive error.
JF3 Jumping Frog (London: Hotten, 1870), pp. 104–105. Reprints JF2 with one error.
JF4 Jumping Frog (London: Routledge, 1870 and 1872), pp. 121–123. Reprints JF2 without further error.
MTSk Mark Twain's Sketches (London: Routledge, 1872), pp. 153–155. Reprints JF4 with Mark Twain's revisions.
MTSkMT Copy of MTSk revised by Mark Twain, who made no changes in this sketch and deleted it in the table of contents.
HWa Choice Humorous Works (London: Hotten, 1873), pp. 559–560. Reprints JF3 without further error.
HWaMT Sheets of HWa revised by Mark Twain, who first revised and then canceled this sketch.
The first printing in the San Francisco Dramatic Chronicle for 17 October 1865, p. 3 (DC), is copy-text. Copy: PH from Bancroft.
Reprintings and Revisions. The San Francisco Golden Era 13 (22 October 1865): 1 reprinted the sketch from DC, but collation shows no authorial changes, and that reprinting is here treated as derivative. The sketch was reprinted in JF1, probably from a clipping of DC rather than of the Golden Era, for JF1 preserves the exclamation point after “Shed!” (299.27) while the Era does not. No evidence of the clipping now survives in the Yale Scrapbook, which was nevertheless the likely source for JF1 printer's copy. JF1 contained several substantive changes. The title was altered to “A Page from a Californian Almanac”; the greeting “Eds. Chronicle” and the signature “Mark Twain” were both omitted; “for this latitude” became “for the latitude of San Francisco” (298.7); and “look out for” became “look for” (299.4). Although it is possible that Mark Twain made some or all of these changes, they contain nothing distinctively authorial, and in the absence of further evidence they are here attributed to his editor, Charles Henry Webb.
The reprinting of the JF1 text is described in the textual introduction. Routledge reprinted JF1 in 1867 (JF2), and Hotten in turn reprinted JF2 in 1870 (JF3). Routledge also reprinted JF2 in 1870 (JF4a) and, using the unaltered plates of JF4a, reissued the book in 1872 (JF4b). None of these texts was revised by the author, although the compositor of JF3 made one error (“Some” instead of “Same” at 298.16). When Mark Twain prepared the printer's copy for MTSk in March or April 1872, he revised a copy of JF4a and presumably made four changes: he omitted the allusion to John 3:8—“more especially when they blow from whence they cometh and whither they listeth. N.B.—Such is the nature of winds” (298.20–22); he changed “Go slow” to “Stand by for a surge” (299.14) and “slathered” to “shied” (299.16); and he probably changed “some” to “somewhat” (299.29).
One year later (1873) Hotten reprinted the JF3 text in HWa. His compositors repeated the error introduced in JF3 (“Some” instead of “Same”) but made no further errors. When Mark Twain revised this book for Chatto and Windus in the fall of 1873 (HWaMT), he made one revision (“increases” instead of “increased” at 298.14) but then canceled the whole sketch, writing “Leave out this puling imbecility”; it was not reprinted in HWb. He again canceled it in the table of contents for MTSkMT in 1875, and he did not subsequently reprint it.
There are no textual notes. The chain of transmission is given below.